It’s about how we live, not just how we die
When my late wife Anne Holliday was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer, she made preparations to be able to take her own life at the end, if she needed to do so to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Anne died naturally at the end. But the peace of mind she got from that decision boosted her quality of life during the year and a half before she died. Since then, I have campaigned for the right to assisted dying.
This recently became even more personal, when consultants suspected I had motor neurone disease. Fortunately I instead have a rare but not fatal autoimmune disease, and I hope I will be around for a while yet!
Anne’s life and our love
Let me tell you a little about my late wife Anne. We met in the mid 1980s. We loved each other very much for a quarter of a century. Anne was smart, sexy, funny and courageous, she was loving and loyal to her family and friends, and she campaigned to build a peaceful, liberal, secular and caring Ireland.
Anne and I campaigned on the losing side when Ireland voted to retain a Constitutional ban on divorce, and on the winning side a decade later. We founded New Consensus, a peace group that challenged terrorism by the IRA and loyalist paramilitaries, and promoted a peaceful democratic Northern Ireland.
More importantly, we enjoyed a loving life together. We acted as staff to six cats in our Dublin home, we attended a World Cup final live in Paris, and we were active in our local community. We both looked forward to growing old together.
Anne’s terminal cancer
We were devastated sixteen years ago, when Anne was diagnosed with terminal cancer. She was only 56. It was already at stage four, and she was told she had six months to live.
Anne did not want to die, but nor did she fear death. She was grateful to have had enough notice of her death to be able to do many things that she wanted to do first. And she wanted to die peacefully and painlessly rather than have to suffer needlessly before dying.
She had decided that, if she had reached that stage, she would have ended her own life and I would have helped her to do this. Once she had made that decision, her quality of life soared and we were able to fully enjoy the time she had left.
Quality of life while living
Anne lived for a year and a half, and we made the most of that precious time. Our big moment: we got married after nearly a quarter of a century together, creating a positive celebration for our loved ones.
We also spent time visiting our families and friends. We couldn’t take long holidays, so we took short breaks abroad. We did quirky things for the sake of it, like having a glass of Bordeaux in Bordeaux, which Anne had always wanted to do.
Like most people who make the decision to be able to take their own lives, Anne died naturally in the end. This is one of the most important things about assisted dying. It is not about just the act of dying. It is about the extra quality of life while you are still alive.
My recent health diagnosis
Two years ago, I fell and knocked myself out while running for a bus. I developed persistent pain in my back and legs. I rapidly lost three stone in weight, and I hunched over on daily walks. Eventually, I became housebound, and my legs stopped working.
Consultants suspected I had the fatal motor neurone disease. I spent nights awake, studying the disease on my iPad. I faced the finality of an early death, and the approach of nothingness.
I recalled how Anne coped with her terminal cancer, and I believed I could cope too. I now understand directly why the right to die is one of the most important rights in an ethical society.
The law must catch up with the people
Every year in Ireland and elsewhere, many good people face an ethical dilemma between lawful suffering and unlawful compassion. And they face it at a time when they are at their most vulnerable and need the most support.
Ultimately, this is an issue where the law and lawmakers must catch up with reality. They are not in control of what terminally ill people choose to do, because terminally ill people have their own ethical priorities and their own autonomy.
I support the right to live and the right to die. Terminally or seriously ill people, who want to live as long as they can, should get the best medical resources. And rational terminally or seriously ill people, who want to die peacefully at a time of their choosing, should be able to carry out their wish.
You can also read this article, and subscribe to have future articles emailed to you, on Substack.