LUAS tram crashes into Dublin bus

I was in O’Connell Street in Dublin yesterday when a LUAS tram crashed into the side of a double-decker bus.

These two photos show the aftermath of the collision. The second is a close-up of the cabin of the LUAS tram, which has smashed through the side of the bus and is literally inside it.

It shows how flimsy the side of a bus is when it is hit head-on by another vehicle, and how important road safety is. Three people were seriously injured in the crash, and are now in hospital.

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4 literally happy songs

For an overdose of literally happy songs – that is, songs with happy or happiness in the title – here’s Happiness by Platinum Weird, Happy Days Toytown by the Small Faces, Endless Song of Happiness by Yael Naim, and Happiness by Orson.

Happiness – Platinum Weird, 2006

Happy Days Toytown – Small Faces, 1968

Endless Song of Happinesss – Yael Naim, 2007

Happiness – Orson, 2006

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Ryanair’s Michael O’Leary steals my standup idea!

Ryanair boss Michael O’Leary is reported as examining the idea of ‘vertical seating’ in order to pack more people into his airplanes. He may or may not be serious, but he has considered this idea before.

In 2004, as part of a book of prank letters called ‘Absurdly Yours: The Michael Nugent Letters”, I exchanged eight letters with Michael O’Leary about the idea of airplanes with no seats.

I wrote the O’Leary letters under the pseudonym Pierce Whitehead: a mix of Richard Pierce and Gustave Whitehead, both of whom made powered flights before the Wright brothers did.

Letter Number 1: 25th April 2004

Dear Mr O’Leary,

Good luck with your new Charleroi agreement. Your reluctance to dip into my pockets for your profits contrasts with my constant dread of the Aer Lingus anti-trade unions. I would appreciate your opinion on a concept in my doctoral thesis, “Comfortably Profitable: Ergonomics and Economic in the Aviation Industry”.

The idea arose when I spent a flight in the Uzbekistan sitting on a wooden crate filled with the live chickens, after takeoff was delayed while the pilots did a quick around to buy fuel. Since then I have often wondered: two airplanes and really need seats? I know they are traditional but, financially, they waste the unused space above the lap of each passenger and below the luggage bins.

I am now examining a concept called ‘lean-backs’: equivalent to seats but without the parts that you sit on.

Visualise a role of backward leaning L-shaped person-height dominoes, reclining at an angle that balances comfort with retention of the overhead bins. Another (adjustable) angle towards the base accommodates bending the knees. The seats rest on a spongy material capable of absorbing the impact of landing. The passengers are safely strapped in.

Mr O’Leary, I would appreciate your opinion on ‘lean-backs’, in the form of a quote that I could include in my thesis.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Pierce Whitehead

Letter Number 2: 29th June 2004

Ab/MOL/2126

Dear Mr Whitehead,

I thank you for your recent letter, but regret that we simply cannot meet the crazy number of requests that we get from students doing theses/dissertations/projects.

It would be invidious to select some but not all of these requests, and we find it simplest and less offensive to do none.

I hope you understand and wish you every success with your project.

Yours sincerely,

Adele Bannon,
Assistant to the Chief Executive,
Ryanair

Letter Number 3: 15th July 2004

Your Ref: Ab/MOL/2126

Dear Mr O’Leary,

Thank you for your recent reply to my request for a quote for my thesis on ergonomics and economics in the aviation industry. I fully understand your position as outlined in your letter. I have drafted the following has a win-win compromise.

“I next contacted Mr Michael O’Leary, whose economic sense and visionary approach to ideas that challenge conventional industrial wisdom I have always admired, and who has single-handedly dragged to the European aviation industry into putting the consumer first. Thank you, Michael.

“While the Ryanair Chief Executive amusingly proclaimed himself plagued by crazy requests from students doing theses, his tone could in no way be regarded as either invidious or offensive. What came to my mind was his playful smile as he mocks the policy paralysis of successive governments.

“And, while the maverick multimillionaire did not directly comment on the novel concept of lean-backs, nor did he rule them out as an integral part of the future of the aviation industry. He closed our exchange by wishing me every success with the project. I appreciated his good wishes.”

How does that sound? I think you come well out of it, without committing yourself to anything.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Pierce Whitehead

Letter Number 4: 20th of July 2004

Letter Number 3 returned with a handwritten note from Michael O’Leary:

Dear Pierce,

Fine by me. But I never worry about ‘coming well out of it’.

Best wishes,
Michael O’Leary
20/7

Letter Number 5: 10th August 2004

Dear Mr O’Leary,

I am delighted that you have started to actively promote the seat-free airplane concept, and I would like to arrange a meeting to see how we can develop it further as a joint-venture partnership. I have now added the following to my thesis:

“Mick O’Leary (our thinking is so similar that I now feel that we are almost friends) then showed how quickly he can react to a positive concept. I first contacted him in April with the then-novel proposal that airplanes might not need seats.

“In May he told Der Spiegel that: ‘You could have airplanes with no seats in 10 years time. Why do you have to sit down?’ In August the Sunday Times wrote: ‘O’Leary talks of an airline in which reclining seats are gone; maybe one day there be no seats at all.’

“I tipped a wink to this great innovator, who had taken my embryonic idea and quickly cast it loose in the marketplace of aviation ergonomics. I looked forward to the day when we signed on the dotted line and began to exploit it commercially.”

How does that sound? Please let me know when would be a good time for us to discuss the idea further. As you are more experienced in these matters, I would be happy to discuss whatever proposal you may have about the nature of our partnership.

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Pierce Whitehead

Letter Number 6: 11th August 2004

Ab/MOL/8040

Dear Mr Whitehead,

I thank you for your letter of 10th August, and wish you continued success with your thesis.

Unfortunately, we don’t engage in joint venture partnerships, I haven’t started to promote the concept, and I don’t think a meeting would be a practical use of our respective time.

There is no prospect in the near or medium term future of any aircraft operating with no seats. Ryanair is presently investing in upgrading our seats to market leading body contoured, all leather covered units designed to maximise the comfort and safety of our passengers.

Best wishes,
Michael O’Leary,
Chief Executive,
Ryanair

Letter Number 7: 12th September 2004

Dear Mr O’Leary

Regarding our discussion of airplanes with no seats, I’ve now made a scale model of a sample cabin interior.

It comes in three pieces, each four feet long. You can clip it together very easily, and lift up one wall to see the interior. I’d love to show it to you, but transporting it is a problem.

Luckily, I have a friend in furniture removal, and he can lend me his van very early next Tuesday morning (21st September) to bring it over. He will collect it again on the Wednesday of following week and each time after 7 p.m.

So I will bring it over early on Tuesday, and I can stay around the airport all day doing other research until you are free to meet me. Or, if you would rather examine the model first, I can leave it and call back another day.

Whatever suits your schedule will work for me. If you’re not around on Tuesday the 21st, where would be the best place for me to leave the model?

Yours sincerely,
Mr. Pierce Whitehead

Letter Number 8: 14th September 2004

Ab/MOL/9050

Dear Mr Whitehead,

I thank you for your letter dated 12 September and refer you to my previous letter of 11 August (copy enclosed).

Regrettably we have no interest in your concept and therefore no interest in a meeting.

Yours sincerely,
Michael O’Leary,
Chief Executive,
Ryanair

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100 must-have iPhone apps

Yesterday I asked on Twitter and Facebook about must-have iPhone apps. Based on the responses, plus my own browsing, here are 100 apps that somebody, somewhere, really, really likes. Prices are in Euro. Thanks to everyone who replied, and thanks in particular to David Hall.

Communication, Personal Productivity, etc

• Skype – Free (5 recommendations)
• Eirtext Pro – €2.39 (3 recommendations)
• Evernote – Free (3 recommendations)
• eWallet Password Manager – €7.99 (2 recommendations)
• InstaPaper – Free or €3.99 (2 recommendations)
• Things – €7.99
• Beejive Instant Messaging – €7.99
• Wi-Fi FInder – Free
• MotionX GPS – €2.39
• Windows for iPhone
• MyLists – €1.59
• Stick It – €0.79
• iManual – The Missing iPhone Manual – €3.99
• Flashlight – Free
• G-Park – €0.79
• iFitness – €1.59
• RunKeeper – Free or €7.99
• HabitCheck – €4.99

Twitter, Facebook, FriendFeed, etc

• TweetDeck – Free (6 recommendations)
• Twitterrific – Free (4 recommendations)
• Tweetie – €2.39 (3 recommendations)
• Twittelator Pro – €3.99 (2 recommendations)
• Facebook – Free (3 recommendations)
• TweetMic for Twitter – €0.79
• FaceMic for Facebook – €0.79
• BuddyFeed for FriendFeed – €2.39
• Nambu – Free
• WordPress – Free
• Postman – €0.79
• WorldVoice Radio – €2.39

Radio and TV, Music, Recording, etc

• Shazam – Free (5 recommendations)
• Wunder Radio – €5.49 (3 recommendations)
• Pandora Radio – USA Only (3 recommendations)
• Last FM (3 recommendations)
• Slacker (2 recommendations)
• Public Radio Tuner – Free
• Simplify Music – €4.99
• netTV – €2.39
• TVUPlayer – Free
• iTalk Recorder Premium – €3.99
• Pianist – €2.99

Photos

• Camera Zoom – €0.79
• Zoom – €0.79
• Crop for Free – Free
• iSwap Faces – Free or €1.59
• Comic Touch – €2.39
• Photo Sketch – €1.59
• Night Camera – €0.79

Reading, Information, etc

• Stanza – Free (6 recommendations)
• SnapTell – Free (3 recommendations)
• Google Mobile App – Free (2 recommendations)
• Google Earth – Free (2 recommendations)
• Offmaps – €1.59 (2 recommendations)
• Wikipanion – Free or €3.39 (2 recommendations)
• TED – Free (2 recommendations)
• WordBook Dictionary – €1.59
• NetNewsWire – Free
• Pro RSS Reader – €1.59
• WikiHow – Free
• Diggle – Free
• Free Translator – Free
• AP Mobile – Free
• ITN News – Free
• ESPN Score Center – Free
• AccuWeather – Free
• Huffington Post – Free
• Wimbledon 2009 – Free
• LondonTube 09 – €3.99
• Flixster Movies
• White Pages – Free
• AroundMe – Free
• What’s On -Free
• LocalPicks – Free
• Vicinity – €?
• iEphereremis – €1.59
• GoSkyWatch Planetarium – €4.99
• Shakespeare – Free
• Vegetarian Blog reader – €1.59
• Bizarre Holidays – €1.79
• Weird facts – €0.79
• 6001 Crazy Facts – Free
• 4400+ Cool Facts – Free

Games, Fun, etc

• Paper Toss – Free (2 recommendations)
• Ragdoll Blaster – €1.59 (2 recommendations)
• Peggle – €3.99 (2 recommendations)
• Flight Control – €0.79 (2 recommendations)
• Pocket God – €0.79 (2 recommendations)
• SafeKracka – €0.79
• Cro-Mag Rally – €1.59
• IQ Test – €0.79
• Solebon Solitaire – €1.59
• Ringtone Recorder – Free or €0.79
• Lightsaber Unleashed – Free
• Spin Art – €1.59
• Koi Pond – €0.79
• Koi Pond 3D – €0.79
• More Cowbell – €0.79
• EyeTricks – Free
• Virtual Zippo Lighter – Free
• LOLCatMaker – Free or €0.79
• iFart – €0.79

Thanks for replying to my question to

• Adam Dinan
• athinkingman
• benarchibald
• ciaran_lee
• davebarrett
• David Hall
• davidsiegel
• Dermot McNally
• dvdmon
• EvertB
• faduda
• flynnguy
• hshouston
• iirc
• lDirtyFrank
• janliz
• Jon Keaty
• LaceyMark
• lepouse
• locaoimh
• lucykjohnstone
• mharrell87
• minus1cjb
• mmj5170
• nullifidian
• Oscar Heen
• Patrick Ward
• paul_e_cooley
• peculiarspeech
• Phillip Byrne
• rachelhatesjazz
• rebwalsh
• rwAtheist
• seanswee
• suzybie
• tonyjbyrne
• unslugged
• wmsnedden
• WzeroMN

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The Q atheist song contest

Q Transmissions, a skeptical radio talk show in Alberta, Canada, is organising an Atheist Song Contest. Put your entries on YouTube or mp3 and email the station before January 2. For inspiration, here are four skeptical singalongs, starting with Chumbawamba’s toast to Charles Darwin. (If you can’t see the videos, go to the original post.)

Charlie by Chumbawamba

Over the river and over the sea
Through holy storm and thunder
Steer a course for a brave new world
Of common sense and wonder

Dear God by XTC 

Did you make disease and the diamond blue?
Did you make mankind after we made you?
And the devil too?

I’m an Atheist and I’m Okay by Darragh Jennings and FX Robinson of Atheist Ireland 

 

I’m an atheist and I’m okay
I question things and I think all day
He’s an atheist and he’s okay
So he won’t burn you if you’re gay

The Large Hadron Rap (the CERN Lab Song)

When matter is created from energy
Which is exactly what they’ll do in the LHC
You get matter and antimatter in equal parts
And they try to take this back to when the universe starts
The Big Bang

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Roy Keane leaves Sunderland

On the day that Roy Keane leaves Sunderland after 100 games as coach, here’s a quick summary of the controversial career that led Arthur, Paul and me to write the comedy musical I Keano.

In the glorious summer of 1990, Ireland coach Big Jack Charlton was barking orders at his Ireland World Cup squad in Italy.

Back in England, an equally blunt manager was luring a young lad from Mayfield in Cork to play for Nottingham Forest.

Brian Clough labelled his new signing ‘The Irishman’. Clough had an understated motivational style. He once punched Keane in the stomach for underhitting a pass during a match. Before long, Keane was playing for both Forest and Ireland.

The following year, Charlton reprimanded Keane for turning up late for an Ireland team bus journey in Boston. Keane replied “I didn’t ask you to wait.” The Ireland captain, Mick McCarthy, weighed in with “Do you call that behaviour professional?” To which Keane countered “Do you call what you have a first touch?”

Red Devils

In 1993 Keane moved to Old Trafford for a then record British transfer fee of £3.75m. He quickly started collecting trophies, medals, red cards and fines. In helping United win two league and cup doubles before replacing Eric Cantona as club captain, Keane stamped his authority on the team, and his boot on Gareth Southgate during an FAI Cup semi-final.

In 1997 he injured his knee during a clash with Alf Inge Haaland. Keane later scythed into Haaland during a Manchester Derby match in 2001. “I’d waited long enough,” he later explained through the eloquent pen of Eamon Dunphy. “I fucking hit him hard. The ball was there, I think. Take that you cunt.” Keane was fined £150,000 for bringing the game into disrepute.

1999 was a bittersweet year for Keane. United won the elusive treble of league, FA Cup and European Cup, but Keane missed out the European Cup final for being repeatedly booked. The following year he slammed United fans for “having a few drinks and maybe the prawn sandwiches” and knowing nothing about football.

Red Mist

The next target of his ire was the Football Association of Ireland. Among other things, Keane was upset that the officials, but not the players, sat in first class seats on flights. He was lucky he didn’t play in the 1970s, when the Ireland players once sat on their suitcases in the luggage compartment of a train to Germany.

Then came the big one. Saipan, May 2002. The FAI prepared for the World Cup by forgetting to bring footballs to an island with no football pitch. Keane finally exploded, and left the island after he suggested that Mick McCarthy could stick the World Cup up an improbable part of his anatomy.

The nation erupted into turmoil, as our generation’s civil war began. The 1916 Easter Rising paled into insignificance. Was Keane a hero or a traitor? Well, he was certainly an inspiration to me, Arthur Mathews and Paul Woodfull, as his antics led us to write the comedy musical I Keano.

Black Cats

Three years later an injured Keane left Manchester United, after slamming his teammates on United’s television channel. “It seems to be in this club that you have to play badly to be rewarded,” he fumed. “Maybe that is what I should do when I come back. Play badly.”

He spent a few months in Scotland playing for Celtic, before an extraordinary sequence of events unfolded. Mick McCarthy became coach at Sunderland and was sacked. Niall Quinn (who Keane had called Mother Teresa during the Saipan incident) became chairperson of Sunderland. Quinn hired himself as coach, fired himself, and hired Keane to replace himself.

In his first season as coach, Keane took Sunderland from the bottom of the championship to promotion to the Premiership in 2007. Unable to attract top players to Sunderland, he criticised their wives for wanting to shop in London. Since then, they have struggled, despite Keane spending almost £70m on new players since he arrived.

Today, after a hundred games in charge, Roy Keane has left Sunderland by mutual consent. Who knows what his next move will be?

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4 funny songs by Tim Minchin

I’ve just added Tim Minchin to my directory of famous atheists. Minchin is an Australian comedian, composer, songwriter, pianist and actor whose songs include the politically incisive Peace Anthem for Palestine, the inanimate love song Inflatable You, and the environmental mega-anthem Take Your Canvas Bags. Minchin is also responsible for probably the most comprehensive atheist-related song lyric in the history of atheist-related song lyrics, in the culmination of If You open Your Mind Too Much…

If You Open Your Mind Too Much

Peace Anthem for Palestine

Inflatable You

Take Your Canvas Bags

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Vancouver film school videos

Here are three passionate, creative and inspirational short movies that have won scholarships to the Vancouver Film School in Canada for three young filmmakers from Mexico, Germany and the United States.

The challenge was to make a three-minute video on the theme ‘What matters most to me’. A judging panel picked ten finalists, then YouTube users voted for the winners. The results were announced last week, and here are the three winning videos.

Jorge Rolando Caneda Estrada from Mexico

Stefan Ramirez Perez from Germany

Christopher Harrell from the United States

More Videos

You can see hundreds more videos on the Vancouver Film SchoolYouTube Channel.

If you want more information, here’s the School’s website.

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5 funny songs by Tom Lehrer

The Vatican Rag by Tom Lehrer.

Tom Lehrer, who is eighty this year, is an American mathematician who wrote and performed musical satire in the 1950s and 1960s. Best known for his darkly comic Poisoning Pigeons in the Park, his political and social satire also included the Vatican Rag, National Brotherhood Week, Who’s Next and We Will All Go Together When We Go.

Lehrer is in my directory of famous atheists. In 1996, he said that, while he was not a spiritual person – “I find enough mystery in mathematics to satisfy my spiritual needs. I think, for example, that pi is mysterious enough (don’t get me started!) without having to worry about God” – he believed that to be an atheist was almost as arrogant as to be a fundamentalist. However, by 2000, he had told Cosmik Debris magazine “I used to think atheists were arrogant, but now I am one and I like it.”

Tom Lehrer on YouTube

Here are four more Tom Lehrer classics from YouTube:

Poisoning Pigeons in the Park by Tom Lehrer

National Brotherhood Week by Tom Lehrer

Who’s Next by Tom Lehrer

We Will All Go Together by Tom Lehrer

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The Road Not Taken

A Poem by Robert Frost.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I —
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Poem: Robert Frost, 1916
Photo: Yellow Wood by Micky (cc)

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