The Garden of Eden Court Case

A courtroom. There are two snakes. One is sitting at a Barrister’s bench. The other is lying on the ground.

BAILIFF
Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye. The Court of Appeal of Biblical Decisions is now in session. All rise for the case of The Snake versus God at the Garden of Eden.

The judge enters. The Barrister-Snake rises and stands upright. The Defendant-Snake stays lying on the ground.

JUDGE
(to Barrister-Snake)
Why has your client not risen?

BARRISTER-SNAKE
He has been cursed by God, your honour, and he must now…
(looks at papers)
‘Go on his belly and eat dust’. He wishes to appeal that decision.

JUDGE
Very well
(to Defendant-Snake)
Do you swear to tell the truth, so help you God?

DEFENDANT-SNAKE
Well, he hasn’t really helped me so far.

JUDGE
(looking at papers)
I see you were convicted of deceiving a Mr. and Mrs. Adam.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
And it is they who I shall call as my first witnesses.

Adam and Eve enter. They are wearing only fig leaves.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
Mr and Mrs Adam, can you please tell the court what you were doing on the day in question?

ADAM
Well, I was very tired, because I’m only made out of dust, and God had just ripped out one of my ribs to make her.
(Eve giggles)
So I had sent her to get some food.

EVE
And then I met him
(points to the Defendant-Snake)
And I told him that we couldn’t eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, because we would die if we did that.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
And was that true?

ADAM
Well, that’s what God told me anyway. He said we would surely die on the same day that we ate from it.

EVE
But he
(points to the Defendant-Snake)
said that we wouldn’t die, that we would just know the difference between good and evil.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
So you ate from the tree.

ADAM
Yes, we did.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
And did you die on that same day?

EVE
Well, no.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
And how long ago was that?

ADAM
(Counts on his fingers)
Just over nine hundred years ago.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
And you are both still alive.

EVE
Yes. I just recently gave birth to our last child.

BARRISTER-SNAKE
(to Judge)
So I put it to you, your honour, that my client did not deceive the two witnesses, but that God deceived them, and my client told them the truth. If anything, my client should be commended under the recent legislation for the protection of whistleblowers.

JUDGE
(looking through papers)
Well, the Genesis transcript does seem to verify your argument. Very well. Mr Snake, you are free from the curse of going on your belly and eating dust.
(hits bench with gavel)
Case closed!

DEFENDANT-SNAKE
Yessssssssssssssssssss!

Emotional music as the Defendant-Snake rises from the ground in slow motion and runs to the Barrister-Snake. They both embrace by intertwining their bodies.

ADAM
Actually, before we go, can I just say that God cursed us as well.

EVE
He made childbirth painful for me. And he put him
(points to Adam)
in charge of me.

ADAM
And he made the soil barren, so now I have to work to earn a living.

JUDGE
Very well. You are all free from your curses.
(hits bench with gavel)

DEFENDANT-SNAKE
Yessssssssssssssssssss!

Reprise of emotional music as Adam and Eve run in slow motion into the embrace of the Defendant-Snake and the Barrister-Snake. As everyone leaves:

ADAM
Can I still be in charge of her, though?

JUDGE
Of course you can.

SCENE ENDS

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